Monday, March 26, 2012

Page 86

I’ve never admitted to being normal.  Just the word itself sounds strange.  Say it over and over… 

Normal.  Normal.  Normal.  Normal. 

You’re thinking of that pesky little kitten, Nermal, from Garfield now, aren’t you? 

I digress…  if you think about it, the very idea and concept of “Normal” is abnormal in and of itself and it is completely subjective.  Every individual, society, faction, etc., has a different idea of what makes a person normal. 

Is normal based on appearance?  Is normal based on thought processes?  Is normal based on where you grew up?  Where you were born?  Whether you have one, two, three or four parents?  Whether your parents consists of a father and mother, mother and mother, father and father, or just a mother or father? 

What the hell is normal?! 

Here’s what I know.  I’m not.  I am probably the antithesis of normal in all actuality.   Or am I?  The mere fact that I even spend time analyzing this issue probably makes me abnormal.  But, if that makes me abnormal, then the amount of money and time invested in studies defining those in society who are within the “normal spectrum” can be considered abnormal too. 

So, why this blog topic?  Why am I dissecting normality?  Good question. 

The month of March has been challenging on many levels in our family, personally, for each person individually, and as a collective whole.  We have faced unique opportunities and challenges.  As a result, we have been forced to take a deeper look into our own psyches and behaviors.  We find ourselves questioning ourselves, our motives, our styles, our philosophies, and our techniques, wondering where we went right, where we went wrong, and what is wrong with us – as though we are somehow ABNORMAL and we must now put all of our efforts into being NORMAL. 

I really think that the entire world is f****d up to be honest with you.  There is no normal.  The only normal in this world is that everyone is ABNORMAL.  We all have different views of the world and what we think people should do and where they should go, what they should say, how they should act, and of course, every single one of us has the singular mindset of “what’s in it for me?”

Hey, don’t try to B.S. yourself saying, “Oh no, I’m not like that.”  You’re full of crap.  Yes you are.  You all are.  I am.  Everyone is. 

Let’s break down a couple phrases we hear or see every day… 

“I just want everyone to get along.”  Why?  Will it somehow make the world better if everyone just gets along?  Yeah, maybe it would, but nothing would ever improve either.  Improvement comes from conflict.  So, why do you want everyone to get along?  So everyone will be happier???  Bullshit.  It’s so YOU will be happier.  You’re sick of listening to and dealing with all the fighting and the drama and the crap that goes along with everyone being at each other’s throats.  That’s all about YOU baby! 

“I live for my children.”  It’s a beautiful concept.  But, when you get up in the morning, what’s the first thing you do?  You go to the bathroom. You’re so selfish…  Look, I have no doubt that you, as do I, garner a great deal of enjoyment and pleasure in seeing your children succeed, grow, and do amazing things.  But, do you also live for every moment that they are beating and kicking the hell out of each other or out of another child?  Do you live for the moments that they come in to tell you they don’t feel good and puke all over you?  No you don’t.   Do you live for the moments that they keep you up all night long, every night, where you can’t even function and you’re whining on Facebook or Twitter about how little sleep you’ve gotten?  Are you living for them at that moment?  No, you’re living for yourself, wishing you were getting some damned sleep! Don’t lie.  There are definitely child rearing moments that you could definitely live without.

Now, does all that mean that you don’t look back on some of those moments and laugh, or having a child that’s passed on (as I have), wish for even one of those rotten moments back just for the chance to have it?  No, it doesn’t mean that.  But, again – that’s a selfish though.  All about the “I”.

Now, for those who are boo-hooing my “living for my children” rant, if you’re THAT wrapped up in everything that is your children to the point that you can’t even live for yourself, have no identity outside of those children, you are so co-dependent that you live each and every moment absorbed in everything that has to do with them, you might want to seek some therapy.  I promise you, you are headed down a very long, lonely, and emotionally painful road when you wake up one morning and realize that those children don’t live for you, have their own lives, and go on to live them. 

Bottom line, the only NORMAL thing in this world is the fact that we are all born from an egg that met up with sperm in some fashion, and in the end, we are all born with a complete sense of self.  As babies, we are all about what makes us happy and what makes us sad.  Our only communication is to cry, laugh, and coo.  It’s all about how we feel. 

As we get older and grow, we maintain that all encompassing “I” complex….  It’s all about what we want, what we think is fair, what is best for us, what our concept of life and world is.  And, of course, those concepts and ideas are what we impart unto our children.  Sometimes they choose to accept our concepts as their own and sometimes they choose to create their own.  What do you do when they choose their own way?  Well, you disagree and, in some instances, get upset.  That’s because it’s what YOU WANT!  The all empowering “I”. 

It’s amazing isn’t it?  So, how does this blog end? 

It ends like this. 

Face it people.  No one is going to be exactly what you want them to be or behave how you want them to behave all of the time, because no one fits into a perfect mold.  We aren’t meant to.  If we were meant to fit into a mold, then we would all look the same, talk the same, and think the same and – frankly – I’m not about that.  I like my individuality and I’m keeping it (see how that “I” thing worked?) 

Am I selfish?  HELL YES I AM!  I want my coffee ready for me when I get up in the morning.  I want to go to sleep at bedtime.  I want to wake up when the alarm goes off and not hit snooze and feel rested.  I want my knee to bend.  I want to laugh.  I want to love.  I want to be happy.  I want my kids to do what I tell them when I tell them and not give me lip about it, I want, I want, I want…  I’m perfectly NORMAL!

Here’s where I become abnormal…  I know that life isn’t all about me.  I know that there are mornings that I’m not going to wake up to a fabulously made pot of coffee waiting for me.  I know that I suffer from chronic insomnia and I take what sleep I can get and trudge through.  I know that unless I get better therapy and feel a lot more pain, my knee will never bend again.  I know that I’m going to cry.  I know that there are times when I’m going to feel completely unloved and I know there are times I’m going to be downright depressed. 

I also know that my kids are just as selfish as I am and they are NOT going to be perfect, obedient, and robotic.  They have their own NORMAL minds that think about their own selfish things, and that’s the beauty of them!  They can’t be controlled anymore than I can be controlled.  However, with a little bit of guidance and occasionally a firm hand, I can guide them into the blissful realm of ABNORMAL behavior by getting them to engage in the concept of the collective family, taking into consideration and doing what will make ME happy, thereby creating more opportunities for them to enjoy their own selfishness, and ultimately, I can enjoy mine! 

Nope, I’m not normal.  I ain’t right either.  But, neither are you.  And, the beat goes on….  

No comments:

Post a Comment