So many pages have been filled and there are only 91 pages left to fill this
year. I've no doubt some wonderful memories have yet to be written.
I have wanted to sit and blog for a while about a multitude of
different topics. Unfortunately, I always seem to get sidetracked by
other tasks which require my immediate attention. Recent events, however,
have left me analyzing so many different aspects of my life. Now, here I
sit, attempting to put into words the all the things I have been thinking,
feeling, and wanting to say.
In the past I have been asked what my “platform” is as a
musician. It was an excellent question. I spent a great deal of time
thinking about that. Eventually, I finally answered that bringing
attention to the long term emotional and even physical effects to the victims
of bullying was my focus. As a victim of bullying as a youth and
throughout my life, it is an issue close to my heart.
Too many people think that bullying is a childhood issue.
They believe bullying is an issue relegated to children and adolescents.
I beg to differ. Bullying is something we all go through in one form or
another throughout our entire lives. From children in school who are
picked on for being “too this” or “too that,” to adolescents ostracized for not
having the right “look” or “clothing,” to the elderly in the community who are
frequently taken advantage of by low-life scoundrels, to the elderly in nursing
homes who are treated poorly, to even your basic citizen being judged merely by
the car they driver or the job they have – every day we are surrounded by
victims of bullying. Moreover, we may be perpetuating the bullying
ourselves, teaching our children these bad behaviors, without even realizing
what we are doing.
If you are reading my blog, then you know I am a musician.
Rarely do I blog about that aspect of my life. I like to consider myself
an educated and eclectic individual and I don’t limit my blog to my experiences
in the industry. Rather, it is my experiences in life that fuel my
blogging. After all, what is a song, but a life experience or belief
wrapped up ever so carefully in a melody.
I was recently confronted with a form of bullying that snuck up on
me and took me by surprise, which left me re-evaluating the entire realm of
bullying and who the victims really are. Is it possible for someone to
not only be a bully, but to also be a victim of bullying all at the same
time? I believe it is. I believe it happens more often than we even
take the time to realize.
Have you ever had a friend, someone you trust and know come to you
telling you a terrible tale about a person you recently met, a person you don’t
know very well? Have you taken what your friend said to be the truth,
simply because you know and trust them on some level? Have you then
ostracized that other person, made a judgment upon them based on what your
“friend” said, and passed on that information to another friend or multiple
friends? If you answered NO to those questions, then maybe you need to
step back and look a little harder. We have all done it. In the
moment your “friend” comes to you with their tale of another person, you become
a VICTIM of the bully. You are being manipulated by the Bully’s sick and
twisted game, feeding into their tactics. However, in the moment you take
what has been presented to you as a fact and begin treating this other person
poorly because of what you have been told, you become the Bully.
Moreover, when you pass on that information as factual to another individual,
you contribute to this evil cycle.
I am a Bully. I am also a victim of bullying. And,
right here, right now, I am making the commitment to no longer perpetuate this
cycle in my life. I will not allow myself to be looked down upon by
others and have them say, “She is a Bully.”
Recently, I experienced some pretty significant emotional
trauma. If you know me, you know that I have struggled through some of
the most difficult moments in life – including the death of a child. I
believe there is very little in this world that is more heart wrenching that
burying your first-born child. I think I can safely say that this recent
issue I have been dealing with is very close to that type of emotional
stress.
I'm not going to expound upon those very personal issues at this
point in time. However, as a result of the stress, sadness,
disappointment, and outright anger I felt over them, I lashed out on a social
networking site with language that is better left for a sailor, and it was
something I regretted and ultimately removed in a very short space of
time. However, with that, I was labeled by someone as unacceptable.
It was someone I respected in the music industry and someone closely associated
with someone I admired in the industry. I was regretful of my behavior,
at the same time, I found myself feeling very unkindly toward this person for
their judgment of me not knowing the circumstances surrounding my
outburst. I began judging this person. It’s moments like that where
the transition is made from Victim to Bully.
Within a very short time after that incident, someone in close
association with the previous person who labeled me unacceptable, twisted
another social networking post of mine into something that was, for lack of a
better term, a complete lie. Specifically, lyrics of a song I was playing
on my guitar at the moment were taken, twisted, and translated as
representative of my spiritual beliefs. I was labeled as someone who
doesn’t believe in God based on the words of a song that someone else wrote - a
song that is played worldwide on the radio today.
Let me take just a moment to interject another issue here.
People, not everything you see or read on the internet is what it appears to
be. The internet is not full of only truths about people. Usually,
it is full of lies colored with some truth, which is meant to manipulate your
thinking – a form of Bullying. And, if you can’t understand that, then
the internet is not a place you should be hanging out with any regularity.
Ultimately, this entire experience of mine left me labeled as a
vulgar, raging lush, who doesn’t believe in God. All of which couldn’t be
farther from the truth. But, these people don’t know me. They are
victims of someone else’s bullying. What’s worse, they perpetuate the
bullying by believing this garbage told to them, passing this muck on to
others, ultimately becoming bullies themselves. It is the cycle of
bullying. And, while one can attempt damage control – particular when it
relates to your professional career – it can never be completely undone, and
the emotional damage takes even longer to resolve.
What did the Bully gain by this behavior? Well, I honestly
don’t know. The person at the heart of it is someone I met once, in
passing. Someone whose name I barely knew. Why focus on me?
Again, while I have my own theories, I honestly can’t say for sure.
Sharing those theories here really would not achieve anything.
And, what about those people who perpetuated the bullying by
listening to this single individual and then going on to make massive judgments
on me, passing them on to others??? What was their motive? Once
again, I find myself with nothing but theories.
In the entertainment industry, nothing is what it seems.
Therefore, you would think that those involved in it would be the last people
to pass judgment on someone they only just met based upon the words of a single
individual who has absolutely no personal knowledge or personal association
with the individual their associate is maligning. Unfortunately, this is
not a perfect world.
What I can say is, in this situation, multiple people have lost
opportunities, lost respect, and lost friendships as the result of a single
bully buzzing in their ear, rather than confirming facts, rather than inquiring
as to the nature of the statements made, or even saying “Hey, I saw/heard
this. What gives?”
And, the transition from Victim to Bully begins, shrouded in
various shades of grey and misrepresentations.
If you remember nothing else, remember this, my friends.
There are always three sides to every story. Don’t jump to
conclusions. Take time to try to understand what someone else is going
through, what someone else has said, what someone else has done before passing
judgment – even if the buzzing in your ear comes from someone you think you can
trust. Confirm your sources. Confirm your information. Go to
the source. Never, never, never, perpetuate lies… One day you will
find yourself in the very same situation and you will be wondering why you are
where you are and how it all happened… I hope these verses – shared from
the labeled “disbeliever” ring loudly in your ears.
“Hatred stirreth up strifes:
but love covereth all sins.” Proverbs 10:12
“Be not forgetful to entertain
strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” Hebrews
13:2
“Judge not, that ye be not
judged.” Matthew 7:1-5
“And as ye would that men should
do to you, do ye also to them likewise.” Luke 6:31